Typing or writing things out is always so much easier for me when it is about serious things. So, if you know me in real life I am typing this to ask that you be in prayer for my peace of mind. The post title is how I have been feeling deep down A LOT lately. It is not that I am not functioning normally but more like some days are just too hard for me think about hard things. I am "desperate", can't put my finger on what solution I am looking for but the mental exhaustion that I have going on is just overwhelming some times. I keep a lot of things to myself!! This is mostly because I know others have so much more pressing things going on (I want so much to help those I know and love that it is easier to put aside anything that might be troubling me). I use humor or sarcasm to either make someone smile cause they need a laugh or as a way to not get too serious. I have inherited my mother's insomnia in the last couple of years so my sleep patterns are skewed too. There are days at home when I rarely talk to anyone.....I know, can't be my friends will say. But I talk that much to you all cause... one I am thrilled to be hanging out with "my girls'" and well two cause I am spending time with other adult people ;). My girls' are going through what I have termed as "growing pains", this sometimes accounts for some serious personality clashes around here. This is hard for me because I really wish (even though I know it isn't possible mind you)everyone I love could be happy and that there was constant harmony everywhere. I know that we as people are not going to agree or get along all the time......but it still bothers me when my girls' are having a hard time. I am not a softy or crier by nature. I think it is awesome that other (stronger than me for sure) people can lay it all on the line that way....for some reason I just can't. Something got processed wrong for me when I was told I had to be strong no matter what. I can cry for other people but as a general rule not for myself. Well today has been rotten to say the least and when does my body decide to revolt and become a big ball of blubbering woman? Right as my understanding sweety hit the door for lunch. He took it all in stride and said this was good I needed to vent and now we will just do what we always do when something comes up for us. We will just work it out....."remember we are good at that". I cannot say how much I love that man.....more than even I am aware of sometimes. I am composed now, caffeinated, more relaxed, have rethrown myself at the Lord's feet for his help (which I have to do over and over when I try to take things back that I should just give to him and let go of), and now after getting this out and asking for your prayers I am going outside to play with my two youngest girls', blow some bubbles, and be care free. Thanks for reading all this and thanks ever so much for the prayers!!!!!
I am SAHM who home schooled her eldest child due to bully issues. We home schooled for four years and it worked out so well. I love to bake and try out new dishes. I love various types of music but, mostly listen to country and praise music. We have family movie and game nights so we love board games and movies. We have a hand full of shows we really enjoy on t.v. as well.