Saturday, May 2, 2009
Overwhelmed and Exhausted (Emotionally that is)
Typing or writing things out is always so much easier for me when it is about serious things. So, if you know me in real life I am typing this to ask that you be in prayer for my peace of mind. The post title is how I have been feeling deep down A LOT lately. It is not that I am not functioning normally but more like some days are just too hard for me think about hard things. I am "desperate", can't put my finger on what solution I am looking for but the mental exhaustion that I have going on is just overwhelming some times. I keep a lot of things to myself!! This is mostly because I know others have so much more pressing things going on (I want so much to help those I know and love that it is easier to put aside anything that might be troubling me). I use humor or sarcasm to either make someone smile cause they need a laugh or as a way to not get too serious. I have inherited my mother's insomnia in the last couple of years so my sleep patterns are skewed too. There are days at home when I rarely talk to anyone.....I know, can't be my friends will say. But I talk that much to you all cause... one I am thrilled to be hanging out with "my girls'" and well two cause I am spending time with other adult people ;). My girls' are going through what I have termed as "growing pains", this sometimes accounts for some serious personality clashes around here. This is hard for me because I really wish (even though I know it isn't possible mind you)everyone I love could be happy and that there was constant harmony everywhere. I know that we as people are not going to agree or get along all the time......but it still bothers me when my girls' are having a hard time. I am not a softy or crier by nature. I think it is awesome that other (stronger than me for sure) people can lay it all on the line that way....for some reason I just can't. Something got processed wrong for me when I was told I had to be strong no matter what. I can cry for other people but as a general rule not for myself. Well today has been rotten to say the least and when does my body decide to revolt and become a big ball of blubbering woman? Right as my understanding sweety hit the door for lunch. He took it all in stride and said this was good I needed to vent and now we will just do what we always do when something comes up for us. We will just work it out....."remember we are good at that". I cannot say how much I love that man.....more than even I am aware of sometimes. I am composed now, caffeinated, more relaxed, have rethrown myself at the Lord's feet for his help (which I have to do over and over when I try to take things back that I should just give to him and let go of), and now after getting this out and asking for your prayers I am going outside to play with my two youngest girls', blow some bubbles, and be care free. Thanks for reading all this and thanks ever so much for the prayers!!!!!
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- I am SAHM who home schooled her eldest child due to bully issues. We home schooled for four years and it worked out so well. I love to bake and try out new dishes. I love various types of music but, mostly listen to country and praise music. We have family movie and game nights so we love board games and movies. We have a hand full of shows we really enjoy on t.v. as well.